cOnfuSed

yea, that's what i'm feeling right now... CONFUSED... and frustrated.
confused because i don't know what i should do; frustrated because i'm confused and don't know what i should do! am i making sense??
=(
how is it that some people can just 'Up and Go'??
they leave behind parents and loved ones... just pack up, move away for ages, not go home for months and months (which turn into years...)
why does it seem like such an easy decision for these people?
to just say, "yes i want to migrate. yes i'm leaving..."
it seems so easy for these guys!! or maybe i'm just weak...??
would it be easier if i were a boy? would it then be seen as a necessary part of growing up, for a son to move away from home? boys won't cry every so often... call home to mummy every other day... stick to their dads like glue when together... right??
or, maybe it would just be easier if i had no siblings! you know...? no responsibilities... you don't have to act as a role model to anyone else (your 'lil sisters perhaps??)
what if i didn't have a close-knitted family? that would really make someone want to move away ASAP eh??
aiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
i don't know what to do! why is it so hard to decide??!!!
to stay? or to go back??
please God, send me a sign =(