and my bf-ing journey ends here... for now.

and so today, i finally make to put away everything i have needed in the last 9 1/2 months of breastfeeding/ expressing milk:-

~~~what remains after chucking the really worn out stuff~~~

• the trusty little Medela Swing plus all the bits & pieces that come along with it.
• the nursing bras.
• the nursing tops.
• the nursing dresses.
• the nursing pads, milk bags and other accessories that have helped me on my journey of nursing Sarah.

9 1/2months.

i have such mixed feelings at the thought of no longer continuing this whole thing.

on one hand i would love to continue providing for her. it's been a tiring journey no doubt, but such a meaningful one! so precious! those late nights/ early morning nursing... just us two awake and "clinging" onto each other...... i think no words can accurately express how i (or any other mum) feels.

on the other hand, i guess it is timely that i stop now. 

i say timely, because:- 

• she seems to have gotten the hang of self weaning pretty quickly! 
• she loves her cereal brekkie, porridge lunches and dinners. 
• her milk consumption has dropped alot with the increase in solids intake. 
• heaps of literature now point to how babies can get their calcium intake elsewhere apart from milk. 
• i'm working ridiculous hours which make regular expressing quite impossible. 
• plus, after discussion with the hubs, we agree the time spent expressing, cleaning, sterilising, packing the milk can be better spent reading or playing with the girl now that she needs a whole lot more attention and activities to stimulate her learning senses.

so.

yup.

9 1/2months.

the frozen supply should last another couple of weeks.

then... that's it.

till the next one, thank you all for your support in my strange, interesting, eventful journey of breastfeeding. hahaha! what with the boobie/ milk strikes, engorgement, blocked milk ducts, nursing in the tiny noodle store in yongping, nursing in the backseat while we make our way to kl, expressing in handicap toilets, expressing in the car on long journeys up north, expressing in the dead of the night by torchlight, wearing breast shields that make me look like xena, going everywhere with my kit, being given funny names (pump-it... pumper...) and a whole lot more i can't possible list everything that has happened. 

GOOD TIMES ALL!

She finishes her last bottle of the day (night).
I burp her.
Then long after she has already fallen back to sleep, I hold her.
I hold her close to take in her smell (oh that lovely baby smell).
I hold her close to feel her heartbeat next to mine.
I hold her, watching her chest rise and fall with every breath she takes, taking in her beautiful baby face...... her adorable cheeks, her tiny button nose and mouth... how her baby-soft fine hair shines when caught by the soft nightlight...
I hold her and watch out for her cute goofy grin, contented sigh, cheeky soft chuckle... all of which she almost always does nightly in her sleep. Ah such sweet dreams she must have :)
I hold her till my arms ache.
I hold her now as I type this with one hand (or rather, one finger).
Then I place her back into her cot. Reluctantly.
I love this little angel so.
I'm heading back into the office in 4 weeks' time.
I dread to think how little time I will get to spend with her.
While the late night feed will continue for a while more, all too soon she will grow out of it and sleep through the night. These precious times will gradually lessen. I will miss this so.
Heartache.

yours & mine

your adorable tiny baby hand & fingers.

wrapped around my mine.

♥♥♥

taken 06may.

when i was nursing you that evening.

i could get used to your baby soft touch like this.

forever & ever.

*heartache from love.

All things happen for a reason.

As Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music said, "When the Lord closes the door, somewhere He opens a window".

I need only to continue to place my trust in God, and have faith in our Lord, that everything happens for a reason, in His time.

My breastfeeding journey #2

Sigh.
Just when I thought things were going smooth on the breastfeeding front, we are hit with a case of scabbed and cracked nipples, and Baby Girl taking a nursing strike.
Looks like I have to get down to expressing religiously to keep the supply of milk up while bottle feeding her.
Figured its about time since I'm returning to work mid June. Sigh. Can't help worrying about supply not meeting demand when expressing though. I never can seem to get as much with the machine as compared to when she latches on.
Also, i wonder if it's just me or do other mums feel the same, but i feel extremely guilty not being able to nurse her while the nipple heals...... EXTREME GUILT :(

if all those news articles and video clips that have been (and are still) circulating on the Internet are real... well, i feel so sad for my relos and friends still stuck there.

their "leaders"... their thoughts, behaviours, actions... there are just like that of a third world country.

so thankful my parents got us out of there 20-odd years ago.

now, if only the hubs would, once and for all, convert from spr to sg citizen too.

On the road with Baby Girl

We're heading into Malaysia later today.

It will be Sarah's first "roadtrip".

A five hour journey to KL.

Not sure how comfy the little one will be in her car seat.  We've tested it on her a few times this last week at home.

She makes the cutest expressions :D

Baby Girl, please be good this weekend. We're going to see your yeye mama to celebrate your munyuet at their home. We are going to see your potai and yeepo too! Be good Baby Girl!

sleeping like a baby

Whoever thought of using the phrase "sleeping like a baby" to describe someone sleeping soundly and peacefully obviously never really slept with babies before cos omg!!! Babies make alot of sounds in their sleep and they stretch heaps the whole time. Part of growing I read. But some of these are truly the weirdest sounds.... Sarah kind of neighs like a horse sometimes. Or grunts. Heehee! Mad cute! And she stretches so, sOOooo much she turns red in her face. Only thing bad about this all is it makes her spit up more cos the milk comes back up. Bleah!
My little darling also makes the cutest facial expressions falling asleep and during sleep.
Like these ♥

My breastfeeding journey.

Breastfeeding is hard work!!!

Seriously.

Whoever said breastfeeding is easy... well... pfft! It's sOooo NOT!

I'm pretty sure every mum has their story to tell. The good, the bad, the happy and the sad moments...... oh the madness of it all!!!

Ok so here's my story.

I pretty much decided right from the start that I would breastfeed Sarah from day one. As much as I can. As long as possible. Well, at least till she starts weaning.

Which mum wouldn't want to breastfeed their baby right? What with all the benefits for both baby and mummy. The Internet is full of information on how good breastfeeding is. Just google it! (Google is my best friend. Hehe.)

So.

Breastfeeding Sarah.

I kind of already knew from hearing all these stories from recently "promoted" mama girlfriends how much work would be involved if breastfeeding, but i never knew just how much until having experienced it myself these past 8 weeks.

I was prepared to read up on some basic breastfeeding information in oh... the later part of my pregnancy, but what i didn't plan on was having to "cut short" that time by a good 4 weeks and deliver Baby Girl much earlier than planned. So i basically did NOT complete my readings :p The hubs and i had also not gone for any antenatal/ lactation classes prior.

Sigh.

Needless to say, the first 2-3 weeks was madness as i started with the breastfeeding and we seemed to encounter challenges, one after another.

One of my earliest challenges breastfeeding was the lack of support at home. I say "was" because with alot of education (crash course in breastfeeding 101. hurhurhur.) the folks now sing a different tune about nursing Sarah :p

While hubs has been as steady as a rock, supporting me all this time, it took quite a bit of effort to convince the parents that i could breastfeed and that it was best for Baby and me.

They meant well, i know, but their comments of "not enough milk", "the baby is (still) hungry", "why is the baby's poo yellow/mustard-y and watery... is the milk not clean enough", "maybe baby doesn't like breastmilk" didn't help at all in the first few weeks when Sarah and me were both learning to get used to this whole breastfeeding thing.

She was hungry and sleepy and just wanted to get fed quickly... i was tired and frustrated and trying to get the hang of the whole "latch on correctly" thing.

To make things worst, she was so tiny when born. Under 2kg when we brought her home. I was worried sick wondering if what my parents said were true.

Thank God she started gaining some weight and with some explaining from her PD to my parents on how breastmilk is digested more quickly and how baby's poo should look like if breastfed etc, and with, like i said, a whole lot of education on its' benefits, they are now very supportive and in fact, mum automatically brings the little one to me when she cries and says, "Feed her. Feed her more of your milk so she grows up big and strong quickly."

Plus, she realised there's no need for all that washing and sterilising of milk bottles if i don't express :p

I also had no idea just how tired i could get from the lack of sleep, having to get up almost every other hour to nurse the Baby! Right from the start my back started aching so sOOOooooo bad. I've probably permanently damaged that left shoulder/back :(

On a few occassions, i very nearly fell asleep nursing her at 4am. Serious.

Then there are all the other "problems" that can come with breastfeeding. The cracked/sore nipples, the blocked milk ducts, etc etc etc.

For some reason, Baby Girl really doesn't like my right boob :( She started rejecting the right and only wanted to latch on to the left. Me, silly me... i thought, fine. You want the left i'll give you the left. As long as you get your fill. I didn't think to start expressing out from the right! And within days, the right started drying up. When Sarah's appetite starts to increase (and it is increasing every week!), my left alone isn't going to be enough right??? Argh! How dumb can i get, you wonder?

Now i'm on a course of domperidone, as prescribed by Dr. Tracey. Hopefully we can build up my milk supply again.

Plus, i've started expressing more regularly. Cos i just realised i'm halfway through my maternity leave and once i return to work, Sarah will need to be bottle-fed my milk during the day by mum. I have to start building up that supply of frozen breastmilk. That also means even less sleep!! After she's had her fill, i have to go express what's left!

Gawd the times i've cried in the last few weeks. Out of sheer frustration.

Having said this all, while it has been tough, being able to breastfeed Sarah is indeed rewarding.

Especially so when she's had her fill and falls back away from my breast, with a huge toothless, gummy grin on her face and milk dripping down her baby chin :)

- no milk dripping :p but here she is, falling asleep at my breast after having had her fill -

Mad love.

Family portrait #1

Thank you God.

For giving us our beautiful Baby Girl.

Day #60.

The hubs and me, we've been promoted to being "parents" for 60 days now.

It hasn't been the easiest 60 days to get through.

But hey!

Have you ever heard anyone say being parents was easy???

If you have, well... they're lying :p

Anyways...

Here's to the hubs and me moving on and working together to build our little family, CHEERS!

♥

recycling my office "staples"

sort of.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

bear with me here.

this is really just a post full of vain-potty peektures of me and my belly.

ha!

something to "look back on fondly" :p

i think i can no longer wear this after delivery.

it's been stretched waaaaaay too thin :p

 ooooh! i don't look too big here (yet), yea? 

 one of my fav top from some fancy boutique in Colombo, Sri Lanka.

i caved in and purchased 2 "maternity" dresses over my entire preggers' period.

this is one of 'em simple black dress from ASOS.com

the vintage tube dress from a little shop in Perth 10 years ago!

still fits! albeit differently. haha!

notice that my hands have started swelling in week 34 :(

 love this red dress to bits!

worn over the CNY period.

and it's not even a "maternity" dress.

which means can still wear this at the next erm...... ang-gong-gong themed festival/ party? :)


ah.
so here ends my mindless, vainpot entry.
till the next time i'm preggers and take loads of similar peektures...!

Preparing for the little one - part3

We finally had a bright and sunny Saturday today!
Haven't had one of these in a looooooooong time!
It's been raining so much the past 3 - 4 months.
Mother Earth is sick :(

Anyways, today was all about washing (laundry).

Since Mr. Sun was out all day, we put the little one's full bumper and sheets etc out in the sun all afternoon.

We also (finally) picked out 2 new milk bottles (to, yes, standby) for feeding, and i got down to washing them, together with the other 10-odd milk storage bottles donated by a gf. And i gave the breast pump a good clean as well. This is on loan. Until we determine how much milk i have :p

*The 2 milk bottles for feeding are Pigeon's. Again, we are falling back on what we are most familiar with. We picked out

• a 120ml Slim Neck Peristaltic Nipple Nursing Bottle [PP Bottle/ BPA Free]
• a 160ml Slim Neck Peristaltic Nipple Nursing Bottle [PPSU Bottle/ BPA Free]

*The breast pump is a Medela Pump In Style Advanced (PISA). Looks very cool. Did a quick bit of reading about the various pumps available and this seems like a mighty good one. Dr. recommends this too. Will see how it works out for us when i actually start using it.

Oh! And i got down to buying a Munchkins Deluxe Drying Rack.

And the bright pink basket/container thingy you see in here, to separate baby's washed bottles/teats etc from everything else.

Ah...... we're finally getting somewhere.
I think.
:)

I am very, VERY upset.

 For the first time in almost 15 years, i got myself something from Buy-And-Throw-Away.

In size 8 no less!!!

All because my lovely, lovely feet decided to swell up in the FINAL leg of my pregnancy.

Up by 3 sizes!!!

-______________-

I repeat, I am very, VERY upset.

yet another "heart-attack worthy" episode

moving into week 35 soon.

the little one's movements are probably at her highest/biggest these days.

she tends to give me some awfully hard jabs now.

but after last week's scare, i'm really not complaining.

better to be able to feel and see baby's movements right?

goodness!

last week!

where do i begin?

i woke up for a drink of water at 230am one night.

got my drink from the kitchen.

somewhere between the kitchen and our bedroom, i fainted.

totally blacked-out.

cos the next thing i knew, i felt immense pain in my face - forehead and nose. i had a huge blueblack there for a good part of last week.

i heard hubs calling out to me.

then he was trying to help me up.

i had fallen at the entrance of our bedroom.

he found me on my back.

the parents come running out from their room as well.

apparently i kind of crashed to the floor.

imagine a baby elephant falling.

ttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuddd!!!

we all freaked out!

right off, i think we all feared for the little one. 

"was i hurt? is there blood?"

i think my heart nearly stopped then.

THANK GOD!!! there was no sign of blood anywhere.

but right away we tried talking to the little one and feeling desperately for her movements in my belly.

not getting any immediate reaction, it left hubs and i sleepless the rest of the night.

at 6-ish, we texted dr. tracey and was told to go into the clinic right away.

what followed were a series of tests at the clinic, then at the hospital.

CTGs.

Heartscans.

another day of tests.

and then another.

...

...

...

today we still can't figure out how and why exactly i fainted and fell.

all we know is God is good.

He was looking out for us.

hubs says it was the hand of God that held and supported us as i fell back.

i can't help but agree so.

Thank You Lord, for blessing mother and child.

we're doing ok now.

a few more weeks to go.

Preparing for the little one - part2

I ended the first entry on our efforts to prepare for the little one quite abruptly the other day :p
Ha! 
Let's try to pick up where i left off...

So dr. tracey started asking if we were done with shopping for baby about 3 weeks ago.
me: errmmm... no?
dr.: what are you waiting for! please get your shopping done before CNY!

Between then and now, we really have made an effort with preps. 
Still, when we look/see/hear of what other parents-to-be do............ sigh.


Infant milk powder/ Formula milk
What we have prepared:
None for now. BUT, this is not because we didn't bother :p
Dr. has advise we hold off buying any until the little one is born and we can more or less determine how much breastmilk i can give. If baby latches on well and my flow of breastmilk suffice for the first 3 - 4 months, all is good. We can explore the different formula milk powders available in the market at a later stage.
Dr. has given us her 2cts worth on the ones she recommends - Enfalac and Similac.
We'll keep that in mind :)

What others have prepared:
Tins of infant milk powder from various brands. To standby.
Some even explore options such as goats' milk and soy milk.
Me? I know nothing about these 'options' that are available.
*gulp. will think about that when the need does arise.


Baby's nursery/bedding
What we have prepared:
We have the babycot! We do! And the most basic of bedding requirements tOOooooo :)
Will put in a separate entry on that. 
We had NO IDEA it took so much search and research to get the little one's first bed right.

What others have prepared:
Given the very VERY limited space we have - it's gonna be us 3, living out of a tiny room for the next 2 years or so, we cannot and did not entertain any thoughts on getting a bassinet/ crib/ playpen etc etc etc.
Some friends i know are lucky enough to have space (oh, and moolah) for a crib for their baby's first few months, a cot in their master bedroom, a playpen for dayuse in the living hall......
Oh, and the range of bedding accessories available in the market!!!
I thought all we really needed was an infant pillow. seriously. the baby is too small for bolsters and blankets and whatnots. right? 
But, check these lovelies out!
Baby bedding @ Pupsik Studio
Baby blankets @ Piccolo House
And the beautiful things out there for those who can afford to set up an entire nursery for baby!!! I shan't even go into that now :( oOOOOoooooh i can't wait to actually have our house ready and the little one gets a room of her own.


For baby's bath time!
What we have prepared:
Ok, this we are abit more prepared. I think.
We know the bathtub's gonna come from Mt. A cos it says so in the Hospital's pre-admission mail to us.
For baby wash/ lotion/ oils etc etc etc, we are turning to the brands we grew up with, and so are most familiar with to start us off - Johnson, Kodomo and Pureen.
IF the need arises that we have to explore other options in future, well...... we'll think about it then.

What others have prepared:
I salute those new parents/ parents-to-be who go all out to look for "the best" baby wash for their little ones. All that participating in forums and trying to get samples etc. Takes alot of effort (time!). And money too! Cos some of these "best" products are not available off the shelfs in our supermarkets. Ordered online and sent over from DownUnder/ U.S.
Us two? We keep our fingers crossed what we get readily from NTUC/ Kiddy Palace suits our little one just fine :p


Will stop here now cos i want to kick back and admire my dancing belly!
More on that another day.